Bigger than this guy

Ok this will be brief. Someone asked me this past week what do you want to do.  I had been thinking of this sort of question lately. So I had an answer. I want to be part of something that is bigger than my self.  What does that mean?  I think that’s part of what im trying to figure out. Now before I get comments about finding myself and some kind of crap like that. I’m not talking about that…..  Being a part of something bigger than myself is more than just being happy. “Hey drew just be happy in what you’re doing” or “Work so you can do what your passion is” I used to say that…This isnt some kind of coming of age story and when I was your age thing.  Bigger than yourself. Fire in the belly.  I’m watching excerpts from graduation speeches. What happened to our college dreams? I ask that not just of myself but for everyone I work with older and younger than me. What happened to our college dreams. I guess replaced with house car mortgage kids…Not high school but our college dreams.  Fire in the belly to be part of something bigger than ourselves. So this is me thinking about it.

Where does the time go

So the summer season here. My summer is a little different this year. This year its all about work. I’m trying not to think about it too much.  I will be intimately reacquainted with a world that I only saw from afar the last couple of years.  The staff is tired.  The work continues to build.  I have purposely not thrown up the white flag yet.  I do think we can accomplish it all. We had a small pow wow in the front lobby of the office.  I  do know it’s a lot.  In fact on a Saturday morning I’m here in the panera thinking about it.  Oh and before I go on i just started Michael Kelley’s tough sayings II. I like it…I like it a lot. So here is a plug.  Plug.  Anyway it’s a lot.  So we sat in the front lobby thinking about it.  The guys I work with are really good. They are.  So I guess I believe that they can do it. But to what price.  Me taking one away from his spouse for the majority of the summer.  Yeah I know I do that. And he goes willingly.  It isnt as glamorous as you think .  If only it “this job” was just being away for the summer between semesters. I just read Cameron Strang’s letter from the editor which is why I’m bringing it up. Ok summer bring it on. ” I know they all died” maybe this is a bad example.

Have you ever screamed inside?

Movies, books, tv, the stage have influenced my life ever since I can remember. So tonight I saw this.

No different. I still am influenced. This was a little different. Even though I was watching it for parts of the film I was somewhere else.  I started to have thoughts about wishing that I was truly gifted at something.  Truly gifted. That I could do something to the point of genius. I’ve always said my biggest fear is being insignificant. That at the end of my life that I will look back and wonder if that was the best I could have done. I’m not that old so maybe that’s premature.  I thought about it twenty years ago so I wonder what I have been doing with that.

At lunch today I told stories of when I was teacher. I thought that was how I was going to change the world. I took the job I’m in now thinking before I get old I should do something like this. Well my job has changed in that ten year period for the better.  I still wonder though if I had not made this move what I would be now ten years later. Would i be battling the school district. Would I have climbed the ladder of public education.  I do believe that God put me here for this time. In preparation I think. I don’t know if its to do something else or if it is for what I will do the next day.  Why do movies bring up these kinds of thoughts.  I think friends do that too.  I said this phrase tonight “My ego has been bruised so many times”  Has it really though?

Here is what I know. There is a small group around me that think I’m pretty cool and that’s pretty cool.  There is so much to do in the world that I get overwhelmed with where to start.  Sometimes not being satisfied with the way the world works is OK even when you don’t know what to do.

I was trying to decide if this was a call for help or not. I never write anything for my job that doesn’t have to do with me first. This season I have three pieces that do. One that has the line “be the envy of all your friends when you email them from a far off land” another “Aren’t some people beyond your grace and another “You stay out here and think about it I’m going in”  All have a little piece of me in it.

I found out what my blog is about. Not recipes or a cause or funny news.  It’s about how does a single 32 year old guy navigate in a world when he has no plans for the future.  So what do you do with all that?  I think you press on and upward and sometimes just sometimes you scream a little inside.

i wish i were talented

This week is going to be a short week for me. On friday I will be heading to see this guy in Austin TX. Yee Haw.   I am really looking forward to it. It’s kinda spur (this isn’t a joke here) of the moment kinda thing. I am realizing that when you dont have another person in your life or any kind of extra curricular activity you tend to throw your self into your work. Sacrificing you sanity for the company allowing it to change your mood from when you walk in to when you leave. Some say I need a vacation. It’s been awhile since I’ve taken any length of time. A weekend here an afternoon there.  Anyway when you aren’t away from someone you start to stop caring about being away. Does that make sense?  Well I’m going to start doing it more often. No guilt here. My hope is to take a mini sabbatical in the fall. Use up some of those weeks I’ve been given.

in other news……

My running has been getting better. I have a great friend that I run with on Thursday nights. We’ve turned it into an event. I’m still down 22 lbs or 9.9 kg and counting. Every jean I tried on today  fit. I ended up not buying any.  Turned out I just  wanted a new pair.  Not a very good reason.  I’m thinking of selling my car. I cleaned out the attic of crap so now its on to the one big item in my garage.   This seems like a good idea. I’ll let you know how it goes. I think for 2009 I need to do something big. I just don’t know what it is yet. Oh and these guys support compassion so big ups to them.

Your moment of zen…Now get up and dance

idiot person of the week

I don’t want to see anyone hurt but come on. It is real easy to stay out of a polar bear enclosure.  People please do not go in there.

BERLIN, Germany (CNN) — A polar bear attacked a woman at Berlin Zoo Friday afternoon after she climbed a fence and jumped into its habitat during feeding time, police said Saturday.

The bear attacks the woman during feeding time at the zoo.One adult polar bit her several times after she plunged into the moat, police said. Zoo workers tossed rescue rings toward the woman to hoist her out and distract polar bears swimming nearby, said Goerg Gebhard, a Berlin police officer.

“They saved her life,” Gebhard told CNN.The woman was severely injured and was being treated at a hospital, police said. It’s unclear why the woman entered the bear habitat, but police issued her a citation for trespassing

edit

Please add your own vo if you dont speak German.

Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiania

I’m thinking about painting my living room. It hasnt been painted since its building. So that is going to be my little project for the next couple of weeks.  If you live near me let me know if you know someone.

Work update. I go to work. For the first time in “I just saw Phyllis get kicked in the face” as I was saying. for the first time in a lot of years I wont be directing anything so I will be running support from the office side.  And that is the update.

Stupid thing I did last week. So I started to clean my floors like I told you a couple of days ago. While cleaning instead of grabbing the spray cleaner I grabbed the bleach and started spraying.  That’s not the stupid thing. Well after cleaning I throw the pad thing outside the washer and then throw my dirty clothes on top of it. Things that dont mix dark clothes and bleach any way I’m buying new jeans today. Stupid.

Now your long moment of zen.

Living it up.

I guess I’ve been faking it so long I forgot what a help it could be to show others. I should think of other ways so I can help.

Today was an early day at the old work place. I finished a script that I wanted to get done.  I am all caught up on my stuff. Next up some administrative stuff.

A good friend had his baby Eric Chapman. I thought I would post the first photos of the baby.

Bring grammar down.

drew

great sunday

So I went back to Christ the king Anglican church today. I think I have another reason. I havent given many to why I returned. here are a couple.  This sunday we had a processional that started in the commons area of the chapel. Just a bunch of people stuffed into a little room. They gave out instructions on what to do. here is the part that was great. it was awkward and weird and different. another thing was that we werent putting something on for anyone. You see the whole congregation was in there.  So the church building was empty.  Anyway we make our way out singing awkwardly and different. And then something really cool happened. Dr. Dorsett said Hey Drew Good to see you.  Last week I had emailed him thank you for praying for me and he emailed me back saying anytime.  Yeah its hard getting in touch with a CEO of a large corporation. There is a story herebut it doesnt need telling. So we continue with the service in song scripture reading from the old and the new. Today I said I would take communion. I didnt last week because I was a little nervous about what to do. You see you go up row by row and then they say something to you and you take the wafer and then dip or drink from the cup.  Well I didnt want to screw up so I watched people before. I know that has more to do with me than with what I had to do.

What happened to symbolism? I think we forget sometimes that we follow this Jewish guy who lived by certain stuff. I dont have this part all figured out yet so I’ll get back with you.  The connection to Rwanda is also another story I need some find out about. So I did the church thing.

Then went down to samford trail to do the run thing. It was great running in the rain.  Right now I’m working on the floors in the house and then on to laundry. Oh I did find some new music.

Adele and Artic Monkeys and Kings of Leon (that was care of taylor) Going to wait until pay day then buy a couple albums.

Oh I have a story about my mother but I will need to tell you about that later.  Spelling sucks

Peace,

Drew