Have you ever screamed inside?
Movies, books, tv, the stage have influenced my life ever since I can remember. So tonight I saw this.
No different. I still am influenced. This was a little different. Even though I was watching it for parts of the film I was somewhere else. I started to have thoughts about wishing that I was truly gifted at something. Truly gifted. That I could do something to the point of genius. I’ve always said my biggest fear is being insignificant. That at the end of my life that I will look back and wonder if that was the best I could have done. I’m not that old so maybe that’s premature. I thought about it twenty years ago so I wonder what I have been doing with that.
At lunch today I told stories of when I was teacher. I thought that was how I was going to change the world. I took the job I’m in now thinking before I get old I should do something like this. Well my job has changed in that ten year period for the better. I still wonder though if I had not made this move what I would be now ten years later. Would i be battling the school district. Would I have climbed the ladder of public education. I do believe that God put me here for this time. In preparation I think. I don’t know if its to do something else or if it is for what I will do the next day. Why do movies bring up these kinds of thoughts. I think friends do that too. I said this phrase tonight “My ego has been bruised so many times” Has it really though?
Here is what I know. There is a small group around me that think I’m pretty cool and that’s pretty cool. There is so much to do in the world that I get overwhelmed with where to start. Sometimes not being satisfied with the way the world works is OK even when you don’t know what to do.
I was trying to decide if this was a call for help or not. I never write anything for my job that doesn’t have to do with me first. This season I have three pieces that do. One that has the line “be the envy of all your friends when you email them from a far off land” another “Aren’t some people beyond your grace and another “You stay out here and think about it I’m going in” All have a little piece of me in it.
I found out what my blog is about. Not recipes or a cause or funny news. It’s about how does a single 32 year old guy navigate in a world when he has no plans for the future. So what do you do with all that? I think you press on and upward and sometimes just sometimes you scream a little inside.
really thinking about this
you saw the shirt and chuckled a little bit. I am really contemplated this. Many of you know the legend that is me when it comes to grammar spelling etc. In Elementary school I was given a commodore 64 and before that I had one of those word processors. I learned how to type by 8th grade and forgot one thing. How to do the simplest things like the English language. Anyway I have embraced it. It still frustrates me when I try to but sentences together and don’t get it. Guess what I was an elementary school teacher. Makes you nervous right. I’m that teacher they are talking about that they are trying to get out of the class room. Ok back to the point. I have been thinking of what I could do to help the world hunger initiative and compassion in a monetary way. Yes I will always pump sponsorship but I was looking to do something else. Well this is it. I am thinking about a line of these shirts and any profit goes to that cause. Strange I know but I was talking with Andy about it today and more and more I’d like to give it a go. I had said I wanted a little project and what better way to experiment than to do this. If it doesn’t work I thought I could just give them away. I’m going to think about that tonight instead of editing those dang pictures. I’m still at the office and I need to get home. So I guess this is good by. I’ll post a couple for you to look at. This could be real lame or have something to it. Look for some here tonight.
Hey and if you need a desk top photo of me just let me know more people should put my head on their desktop. Peace
P.S. May have found a bug. I can’t add a link to a person. Andy was who I was trying for….I’m testing out this new Safari….Hmmm WordPress you working on this?
What a day.
Not really. Today on the menu I had creamy tomato soup. The blender blew up a little bit. It seems I need an immersion blender. yeah I had to look that up. Its one of these. 
Anyway now I know. This happened to me the last time I made butternut squash soup. They recommended it then also. Any way good soup good times. Then I sat down and watched Tropic Thunder. yes I did laugh. Tom Cruise I didnt even know that. I guess now I know.
They have been playing marathons all weekend right now im watching a Dirty Job marathon. What a great job. Not so much the host but the crew. They look like they have a lot of fun. I guess they could hate it. I realized this the other day. I don’t know celebrities. I don’t even know reality tv starts. You watch enough shows and you think you do. You think Aaron Sorkin is a nice guy John luke Picard is really the leader of a starship and I know what the Hippies who won the Amazing race is like. It’s weird I don’t know why I think about that stuff I just do. I think this all came out of Tropic thunder. I guess thats not the other day. They were dudes playing dudes playing other dudes. Robert Downey Jr. Character actually sounded sane. I’m at the end of the line. the thoughts are gone. going to see Button with a friend this week. looking forward to that. ok back at it.
When it rains it pours
Two more kids out of poverty Keyvin Emir Barrios Blas Born Jul 22 2003 In Mexico and Umutoni Grace from Rwanda Born Jan 10 1993. Umutoni Grace is a lot older and we may assume that she lost her sponsor. But today someone is willing to pick her back up. She is also in an HIV/AIDS affected area. Keyvin is at the start of his sponsorship
You guys are changing lives today. Thank you.
Words that make my skin crawl
Evangelical
Sweet spot
Embrace technology
Sexy
Leadership
Relevant
Calling
3rd world
Job description and or title
the phrase “Is that the rebel?”
heard this one yesterday “Expectant heart”
Thanks for all the responses guys. Moving on. Feel free to add to the list.
I’ll add more later.
Other added
“I’m right where God wants me” tends to make my skin crawl. Even if its true, the semantics of it really bother me.
Words that bother me (the non-corporate version):
ointment
moist
lather “I kinda like this one”
A little taste
Sunday continues to be the most segregated times of the week. Every sunday morning our respected races go to our church. We take our places and talk about changing the world. I think we would chalk it up to we all worship different so this is our way of worshiping next to people who and feel like us. Enlightened ones realize that all black, chinese, white, etc. dont all think the same. That’s about as stupid as you are trying to talk black or why you trying to act white. Take the company I work for. When I am asked hey can you take more pictures of minorities to show all races I say “well I would be taking pictures of the same groups” and then I say they dont come. For the few that do come you may ask do I go out of my way to encourage them and welcome them. I would ask welcome them to what. I have pitched people of color groups on the stage only to be told that our guest arent into that stuff. I almost went too far. I have lived in a weird sort of world all my life. I was born in Jamaica to great parents that divorced when I was in I think 6th grade it was uneventful. I dont even remember it. Anyway they taught me to be me. Never pushed who I should be with or even question me about who I dated. That is another story. Anyway I never understand why people are so scared to talk about race. Its usually people who never had to deal with it so they ask what’s the big deal. When when you’ve been called a nigger on the basketball court you end up having to deal with it. When I walk in downtown birmingham you can feel it. Race is still factor. Every time you that hair stands up on the back of your neck when you take the wrong turn in a neighborhood. Race is still a factor. Our company does try. They really do. I am proud of that. But there is still room. That goes from the music we put on the stage to the people we have speak to students to even how the message is crafted. So what do I think of Race Im voting for Obama because he’s black. Gotcha. Oh and I’m not scared of talking about Politics either. Im proud to be in a country where we can have a knock down drag out fight with politics and no one has to die. I know strange to be proud of that but I am. Ok Im at the end of the line. I’m proud of my self I think. Look people. Be proud of what we have done and will do. Tune next time when we talk Colonialism and how it still effects Africa today. More than you know it. I’m also still adhering to my no read policy so if there is a didn’t that should be a did. you know what I mean.
beautiful afternoon
Im on my porch doing something the brings me pleasure. it may be the very reason to why I bought this house. If you are inside right now you are blowing it. It is beautiful outside right now. Today was good day. I have a new found energy.Jimmie you are correct. I too felt a little weir but I am getting over it. I had a boss tell me something really great today. Well it was an email that i never got. Oh yeah to wireless. Im on my porch this is awesome. Kinda like being at a coffee shop. For 2008 I am going to do something awesome. I dont know what it will be but it will be awesome. I haven’t had much time to think about it because of tour but its coming. I realized that I dont say many profound things here. Guess what folks you wont get it. This is about me ramblings and all. Sometimes I’ll give you a little something but for now if we arent really friends and you were intimidated “that’s for Whitney” and you were scared to talk to me well here it is. You’ll find out how messed up I am. Apple store update. I think I have been dumped. It’s like asking a girl on a date and she says yes but didnt tell me when to pick her up. I will try something else. dont worry.Ok some friends have been discussing race relations. I never say too much at work because I think people think I think like they do. Some say that we have many races that come to camp and etc. Sorry to tell you. I wouldnt call us a safe place for other races. Wait safe i mean that our personalities look like them. That doesnt happen. Some would say show me the person. You know this is too important for me to just have this be a couple of thoughts so I will stop there. More to come.
