So decided not to just turn on the tv and veg out before going to bed and write a little incoherent babble. Ive relieved that I can be amused pretty easily and can also be easily distracted so we’ll see how I do with this one. I always wonder if the 21 me could see the 31 me and wonder what he would say. It was such a fun time in my life or I think. You see I don’t hold on to memories of myself. I dont really know why but I just dont. So where as people wait till there 60 before things start to get fuzzy. I have a hard time remembering things about my self now. There are blips on the screen where I remember certain interaction with people but that is only because I tell that story about them often. Holly I’m sorry but I dont remember your last name. I was 21 in college so I know I knew you. We dated for a while.. Memory is vital thing and I fear that in time mine will be gone. Maybe that is on of my greatest fears forgetting the people around me. Today started out to be a good day then suddenly its taken a turn not to a bad day dont get me wrong and people that I have spent time with today you really didnt have any part in it. It wasnt until this moment right here when i started to talk about memory. There are moments when I have try really hard to remember a thought that i had. There are only certain things that I remember the most. Like a tv show or well I guess any type of entertainment. I remember I remember it all. You remember in strange fiction when the guy says “I think Im in a tragedy” I think I feel like that sometimes. Like Im watching my life as a movie because it seems so surreal. There many parts of my life in which I feel like I just continual live over and over again. One part particular that it always seems to end up the same way. New topic. I remember a day when something I didnt feel was right when I would just quit and move on. Now there are houses, staff, etc. Is that what happens to us. We become this thing that our 21 year self asks what happened to you. I dont really know about that one. let me think about what I mean and get back to you on that. You ever keep clicking get mail hoping something or someone would be there. Ok now I’m getting way off track. If you cant remember your childhood what are you a product of? To many things to work out. I was going to work something out today. Maybe one of the things on this list. Instead Im sitting on my couch writing some more things to work out. Ok so I got a text on my phone and lost my train of thought. So yeah.
So decided not to just turn on the tv and veg out before going to bed and write a little incoherent babble. Ive relieved that I can be amused pretty easily and can also be easily distracted so we’ll see how I do with this one. I always wonder if the 21 me could see the 31 me and wonder what he would say. It was such a fun time in my life or I think. You see I don’t hold on to memories of myself. I dont really know why but I just dont. So where as people wait till there 60 before things start to get fuzzy. I have a hard time remembering things about my self now. There are blips on the screen where I remember certain interaction with people but that is only because I tell that story about them often. Holly I’m sorry but I dont remember your last name. I was 21 in college so I know I knew you. We dated for a while.. Memory is vital thing and I fear that in time mine will be gone. Maybe that is on of my greatest fears forgetting the people around me. Today started out to be a good day then suddenly its taken a turn not to a bad day dont get me wrong and people that I have spent time with today you really didnt have any part in it. It wasnt until this moment right here when i started to talk about memory. There are moments when I have try really hard to remember a thought that i had. There are only certain things that I remember the most. Like a tv show or well I guess any type of entertainment. I remember I remember it all. You remember in strange fiction when the guy says “I think Im in a tragedy” I think I feel like that sometimes. Like Im watching my life as a movie because it seems so surreal. There many parts of my life in which I feel like I just continual live over and over again. One part particular that it always seems to end up the same way. New topic. I remember a day when something I didnt feel was right when I would just quit and move on. Now there are houses, staff, etc. Is that what happens to us. We become this thing that our 21 year self asks what happened to you. I dont really know about that one. let me think about what I mean and get back to you on that. You ever keep clicking get mail hoping something or someone would be there. Ok now I’m getting way off track. If you cant remember your childhood what are you a product of? To many things to work out. I was going to work something out today. Maybe one of the things on this list. Instead Im sitting on my couch writing some more things to work out. Ok so I got a text on my phone and lost my train of thought. So yeah.
Drew On marriage
Marvin Clifton St. Andrew Francis
(Yeah that’s my whole name)
This is to dispel any rumors about my thoughts on marriage. From my post on “my hope” should have ended the issue but recently Ive wondered if those kinds of thoughts have changed. I’ve made statements like “tell me about Paul’s wife” Ok that was pretty lame since I am no where near Paul. In fact I do know that if Paul knew me he wouldnt like me. Any way. My father divorced my mother when I was in 7th grade I think. I wouldnt say that it effected me that much but I never really went to a shrink or anything so who knows. I can’t remember life before the 4 grade so who knows what’s going on there. Anyway I’m sure that goes into my thinking of how I see marriage. Couples I love to watch are ones that look like they are truly friends. I’ve watch some that I would say seem to be more of a hassle being together And if you say that is their love language I’m going to smack you. Yeah and say well its tough or we’re working on it. There’s got to be a better way right. Like I look at that and say what is that to hope for. Two angry people who will one day find out you would make better friends outside of the house than in. Or you cheat on your spouse and chalk it up to well we “fell out of love” or “We are so much happier now” I havent talked to my dad really in over 10 years. Yeah that was the best thing for our family. I became a statistic another black male raised by their mother. I think my mother did a good job and I’ll fight anyone who says different.
And that’s what scares the crap out of me. I would hope to be in a house where there would dancing and laughter so maybe that’s part of breaking the cycle. I do know that im mostly estranged from my family. I see my mother every once in a while and my sister. When we do get together we do have much to say. Good stuff to say. But then that’s it we move on. So is that the picture of family that I have. Is that what my family has to look forward to. A father or husband that doesnt communicate. Break the cycle drew. I do know marriage looks like a wonderful thing. I dont think you have to know that to know Christ’s love. I’ve heard that said before. That maybe why I like going to church on a sunday night. Anyway lately Ive been seeing some guys who make marriage look like a blast. Not one where someone tip toes around the other so as to not piss the person off. That doesnt look like marriage to me. Or you giving up any dream or afraid to ask the other to join in that dream. That doesnt look like it to me either. So ask me “have i ever been in Love” I think…no I know. The kind that rips your heart out when its over. I cried like my aunt at my grandmothers funeral. Wasnt pretty. Pain. mmmm Marriage equals pain. Naw. Ive heard people say its the toughest thing they had ever done. Hmmm. I know this. if it wasnt for some friend of mine id be done with it. Now what i would ask is do you actively look for a mate or do sit and pray in your room. Some times I wonder if I have met her already. I also dont believe in the “there only one in the world.” There are a couple billion people on the planet folks. Odd if there is only one. Ok that’s all I got not much I know but thats it. Oh and future wife if you happen to be reading this. I’ll talk to you soon. Just think how funny it will be when I break out this post years from now and we all laugh. Oh and you want me to make some popcorn.
My hope
So I was thinking about this on the way to best buy to pick up some toys. I bought some speakers and such.. but that is not the reason of my hope. So here is what I was thinking about. I dont want a typical family. I want forgive the term a multicultural family. But let me not get ahead of myself. I was talking to friend of mine whitney and we kinda fell into a discussion about taking risk. Well not really a discussion because we were ichatting anyway that’s what got me thinking. So I decided to write it down. I guess I could write some vague face book message like “working it out” or “hoping it happens soon” or “Maybe she’ll look at me” and put it out there only looking for someone to ask me “so what was that about” Taylor another friend of mine thinks I did that in an earlier post. Sorry to tell you Taylor I saw something in Relevant magazine and wanted to see if it would work so I played around with it a bit. I wrote about some highschool stuff ok Im getting way off course here. Family. I say find who you love and open up your pool a bit. it seems to me to be a waste to define your parameters in first deciding if they look like you. I was going to talk about a personal experience but I need to ask permission before doing that. Not being vague being nice which I have been accused of not being. (side note just started watching a short called West Bank story will tell you about that later) Any way I want a house filled with culture. Life seems so short
You know funny that I say this and the point to this short is just like west side story only its the west bank. An Israeli soldier falls in love with a waitress at a kabob house. You laugh so much you have to cry. But that’s another story. She gave gave him humus and he thought they sad Hamas the comedy insues. The Kosher King shop is encroaching in on the Kabob house the kosher machine is now on the other side of the fence.
So now that I have side tracked myself numerous times I should start to conclude. My I should have married Angelina Jolie. Whatever you think of her I like the idea of what her family looks like. Ok so yeah. Oh yeah and thats why I like Love Actually great pictures of love.
If you saw me today it looked like I was having a crappy day. not really crappy I’m kinda living in a fog right now. Camp is underway and I’m a little out of it. I almost picked a fight with one of my bosses. Stupid move. Tour for next year is underway and I need to see how I will fit in there and im off in the morning to Atlanta. Here is a secret and dont tell anyone I would do it all over again. I’ll get it together tomorrow.
Oh and Im trying a new thing well its not new. no reading over posts.
